Monday, October 8, 2012

"Redneck or No?"

I got an email from a younger friend some time after the "Redneck" post. He was trying to figure out if he qualified to join the ranks or not. I will not divulge his name here to respect his privacy and seeing as his in-laws live north of the Mason Dixon, we wouldn't want them to think any less of him now would we?

He started off telling me that he was proud of his Southern heritage, (well, as proud as a conservative Mennonite Christian can be, he said)

 He said he felt he should get some points for the car he drove when he was courting his wife. It had an off-color left front fender and he had to drive it all around Lancaster and Lebanon Counties in Pennsylvania and had to park alongside all the classy and expensive cars that  are common there.  (yeah, let's give him a few points for that)

Next he mentioned that he works in tennis shoes a lot. And he makes sure he gets his money's worth out of them, too. He glues them and duct tapes them to get a few extra days out of them. And he has been known to get them back out of the trash after his wife had thrown them away. (I'd give him a good handful of points here)

He also said that he figures the shoes are a good marketing ploy; maybe people will feel sorry for him and buy more strawberries. (hey, give him ten points here; good old redneck ingenuity!)

He did say he just bought himself a new pair of Wolverine work boots and how much more confident and manly he feels in them. Now plenty of rednecks wear Wolverines so we won't hold that against him. He will just have to decide between the confident manliness or the marketing strategy.

He did mention a few negatives. He doesn't have a car up on blocks in his front yard. (I didn't ask him about the back yard or out by the shop) He doesn't own any hounds; the one and only dog he had ran away. And he doesn't own a pair of bib overalls although he says he has wanted some for years.( I'd say let's call this one a wash; his desire for the overalls should balance out the other two negatives)

But the one last thing that really put him over the top in my book was the fact that his lawn mower doesn't have a hood. It wouldn't have been something that I would have thought of right off, but man, that is classic redneck! (give him 20 points for this one)

I consulted with Jeremy and we both thought we should let him in. I emailed him back that we may even have a leadership position open. That possibly he could head up a Northern Division of the Southern Campbell County Christian Redneck Association.

Ain't brotherhood a wonderful thing?!